How drab would life be if everyone agreed on anything you say? Its good to have everyone following you, but its no fun if those people don't place their opinions before you, if they don't heartily participate. Every human being has the right to have an opinion, and should not be afraid to express it. Now, the problem here is the issue of interpersonal conflicts. Different opinions are bound to lead to clashes.
However, is it really a problem? I feel that interpersonal conflicts are not necessarily a bad thing. As long as they are resolved effectively, they can lead to personal and professional growth. When there are interjections in a discussion, when the team members place their view-points and argue on their correctness, it actually helps is getting the best out of the group. If everyone agreed to the leader, then how would be 'teamwork' anyways?
You might be wondering how can I rate such a 'negative' thing as positive? Please don't get me wrong here. If the conflicts are not handled with care, the results could be harsh for the entire team, leading to disruption of group dynamics and firing up personal cold-wars. Hence, its not the conflict we should worry about, but how we can resolve it is what we should think about.
Let me share with you a short story. I had gone to a boarding school for my JC. For the first time in my life, I was out of my comfort zone, into a double room with Varnan. Initially, my only concern used to be homesickness. However, soon Varnan and me started having difficulty tolerating each other. He was a nocturnal bat, while I was an 'early to bed early to rise' kind of person. Slowly, the situation turned from bad to worse.
We had a common friend Sid. He was our neighbor. It was getting difficult for him to handle the friendship. So, finally he decided to intervene, to resolve our conflict. If you were into Sid's shoes, what would you do?
However, is it really a problem? I feel that interpersonal conflicts are not necessarily a bad thing. As long as they are resolved effectively, they can lead to personal and professional growth. When there are interjections in a discussion, when the team members place their view-points and argue on their correctness, it actually helps is getting the best out of the group. If everyone agreed to the leader, then how would be 'teamwork' anyways?
You might be wondering how can I rate such a 'negative' thing as positive? Please don't get me wrong here. If the conflicts are not handled with care, the results could be harsh for the entire team, leading to disruption of group dynamics and firing up personal cold-wars. Hence, its not the conflict we should worry about, but how we can resolve it is what we should think about.
Let me share with you a short story. I had gone to a boarding school for my JC. For the first time in my life, I was out of my comfort zone, into a double room with Varnan. Initially, my only concern used to be homesickness. However, soon Varnan and me started having difficulty tolerating each other. He was a nocturnal bat, while I was an 'early to bed early to rise' kind of person. Slowly, the situation turned from bad to worse.
We had a common friend Sid. He was our neighbor. It was getting difficult for him to handle the friendship. So, finally he decided to intervene, to resolve our conflict. If you were into Sid's shoes, what would you do?
In my opinion, Sid's role in this conflict would be the defuser as he does not really have a part to play in the conflict.
ReplyDeleteIf I were Sid, I would sit each person down separately first to address the anger each feels and try to put myself in your/ Varnan's shoes. The addressing of the situation would be done by gently questioning the person and encouraging the person to speak his mind.
Once the problem is identified (conflicting sleep schedules), I will try to make each other understand that there are two viewpoints to the problem at hand. During this 'individual discussion' stage, I will ask each person to brainstorm of possible solutions. For example, you might have been able to use ear plugs and eye blinds in order to get proper sleep. Varnan could agree to keep his activities down to a lower volume.
After both parties have individually decided on the best solution, I would probably take you two out for a good meal (not on me of course hahaha) and bond over food, and of course, agree on the compromise made- at least till a better solution is found, e.g. Varnan finding a new roommate the following year.
Sid must also continue helping to smooth out whatever hiccups that may arise during the period of compromise since he is considered to be the neutral party.
Hi Akash,
ReplyDeleteIf I am Sid, I would first ask each of you to identify the root to the problem. This is one of the EI quality, self-awareness. Each of you should know your own habits.
Then I would asked for each of you to rotate your roles and put yourself in each other's shoe.
Perhaps compromise can be made by when Varnan is awake at night, volume should be kept down. And for Akash when you are awake in the morning, same principles to be applied, volume to be kept down so that he would not be affected.
If after sometime, things doesn't get better I would suggest you and Varnan can change to single room but do realise that it is a matter habit difference and not that you and him are not friends anymore.
Hi Doris,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment.
Your suggestion is quite similar to what actually happened. If not for Sid, Varnan and me would never be able to stay as friends.
Sid and another friend of ours, Sudip, sat with both of us, and tried mediating. However, for the first time, Varnan and me fought even more, with me losing my temper and leaving the room, for Varnan putting wrong blames on me. Later on I realized that Varnan's ego is too big to accept his fault. Hence, I tried to settle down and apologised for my ill temper. I exchanged room with Sudip. But all 4 of us stayed as good friends.
Regards,
Akash
Hi Lisu,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment.
I had the same confusion when I was thinking about the possible solutions. Most led to Varnan and me not being friends anymore. If not for Sid, Varnan and me would never be able to stay as friends.
Sid and another friend of ours, Sudip, sat with both of us, and tried mediating. However, for the first time, Varnan and me fought even more, with me losing my temper and leaving the room, for Varnan putting wrong blames on me. Later on I realized that Varnan's ego is too big to accept his fault. Hence, I tried to settle down and apologised for my ill temper. I exchanged room with Sudip. But all 4 of us stayed as good friends.
Regards,
Akash